I think my fart just growled at me.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
