I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
