She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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