I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
