Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
