The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
