dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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