You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
