eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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