Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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