dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
