i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Randomize
