I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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