Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I intend to get homeless drunk
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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