Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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