oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Floor bacon is actually really good
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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