he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
