So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
