dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
