Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
