I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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