If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
