I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
