she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
