Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
