**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
someone get that fucking seahorse.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
