I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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