Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize