I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you had me at cake vodka
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
