Don't make out with my wife yet
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
