were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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