u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
