just come out here and I will go home with you...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
