I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
