I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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