He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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