My pussy is not your playground.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
