Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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