I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
