I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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