When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
