some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
