i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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