The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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