I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
