you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
