Cold hands, warm shart.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
