Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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