My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
