can u get pink eye on your cock?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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