im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You ruined the universe
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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