Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
