sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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