we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
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Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
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Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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