just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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