i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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