I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
