i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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