Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
