i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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