im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The Olympian is in my bed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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