My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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