Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
