i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
